ALL THE STUPID MISTAKES I’VE MADE AS A VEGAN

This is a list post. I’m just going to list stuff. I have no idea how long it’ll be. I’ve done a lot of stupid things.

Mistakes I’ve made as a vegan

Health

• Lived on bagels and chickpeas when I first went vegan and wondered why I was bloated. Dark times. I was eating bagels with vegan cream cheese for breakfast and wondering why I was bloated and hungry all the time. Hilariously, if I’d had swapped the cheese for hummus and added a bit of tomato and cucumber, I’d probs have felt swell.
• Gone for an embarrassing number of days without eating a vegetable. Easily done. You get stuck in a cycle of eating chips, Quorn fish fingers, and onion rings, and before you know it, it’s been a week and you’ve forgotten that your fridge contains more than just wine.

Other people

• Eaten Quorn mince because I was too embarrassed to say that it wasn’t vegan. I was told that it was vegan, so it would have been really rude of me to have basically accused them of lying. I was a newbie back them so I just tucked in.
• Given my plant milk away to a customer at work only for them to order steak #forevermad. That’s just fucking rude.
• Just nodded when my dad tried to pass off pheasant hunting as a sport. ‘It’s not just slaughter, it’s a skill.’ Smh.

Environment

• Bought plastic water bottles in the meal deal from McDonald’s. Talk about a double whammy.
• Not recycled as well as I could have. I’m more conscious now about repurposing – for example saving margarine tubs to use as Tupperware and keeping jars to store spices in. If you’re interested in saving the planet, this post has lots of easy, actionable ideas.
• Shouting about littering but not actually doing much about it (obvs I don’t litter myself).

Animals

• Bought a feather-filled body warmer from a charity shop because I forgot that down was a likely filling. Ugh. I was Superdry and only a tenner. Gutted. Still, I donated it to a little girl that used to help my mum out. If this doesn’t gross you out, second-hand feathers are fine environmentally, but I was So. Grossed. Out.
• Bought lipstick with carmine in it because I’m a twat that never even thought.

Just being a greedy idiot

• Taken vegan food to my grandma’s house and then eaten the cream-filled dessert she made because it had been a long day and I was still hungry. It was a couple of years before I ‘officially’ went vegan, but it really confused my mum. I’m seriously considering starting to carry around a carton of Alpro soya milk in my bag to stop situations like this cropping up.
• Eaten some deep fried courgettes that I’m pretty sure had egg in them, but I didn’t want to ask because I wanted to eat them.

Food

• Tried to make vegan yorkshire puddings when I can barely cook oven chips. I dunno, I’m just better at hob stuff. I’ve written a whole post on it. I had a small amount of success, but I’m defo gonna get some of these.
• Got addicted to Tesco Free From Rocky Road Bites. Learn from my mistakes. It’s too late for me, but save yourselves.
• Had own-brand hummus. Sabra all the way. It’s kind of slimy, but in a good way. The garlic and red pepper one is yuuuuum.
• Eaten Flora Dairy-free. Naturli’ all the way. Flora is rank. RANK.
• Tried to whisk aquafaba by hand. Now I use my blender, like a civilised human being. I mean, I did it, but it took hours.
• Eaten unsoaked chia seeds, like an animal. You will spend all day picking them out of your teeth. Oh, and if someone has tips to stop them from colonising your washing up sponge, plz advise in the comment section.
• Wrote off tahini when in fact I just had the wrong brand. Is nice.
• See also almond butter – Sainsbury’s own is THE BEST. I got a massive tub of it from Amazon and it was tasteless, but with the texture of peanut butter. Grim.
• Used unshelled hemp seeds in smoothies. Great way to chip your teeth.
• Put protein powder in smoothies. Yacky. Too sweet. Bleugh. Also, I’m not at all convinced that soya protein isolate is great for you. I have a whole post on soya here (basically as long as you’re eating either fermented or relatively unprocessed soya four or fewer times a day you’ll be fine, but I think protein powder is pretty processed. Pea may be a better option).

Conclusion

What can I say? I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff. But, as the old cliche goes, we live and learn. Except we don’t because I have chips, onion rings and Quorn fish fingers for tea. Although I had a smoothie for breakfast, bean soup for lunch, an apple, AND a pear. Go me.

Seriously though, we all make mistakes. And if you don’t, this post isn’t for you – it’s for numbnuts like me. Don’t let the occasional slip up or year week of unhealthy eating drag you down.

Oh, and in other news, we’re currently fostering a teeny baby bunny we’ve named Bruce (as in Robert the Bruce, but it’s Rabbit the Bruce, lol lol lol). He’s the sweetest little cutie pie EVER – we both love him, but Isobel HATES him, so we’re looking to rehome him.

Dave found Bruce trawling round the industrial estate where he works and brought him home. We rang the number the microchip gave us but the horrible lady said in no uncertain terms that she didn’t want him anymore and we could do whatever we want with him. Poor little bear. Anyway, he’s safe with us until we can find him a forever home. We don’t want any more forever pet because we want to get into fostering (animals, not kids. I don’t like kids at all).

So was my weekend! If anyone has any tales of bunny (or other furry) rescue, let us know!