Ok, to say that I love running might be a bit strong. We’ll go with ‘it’s my favourite form of exercise’. Although yoga is my actual favourite form of exercise, it’s just running is more exercise-y, since in yoga I spend 90% of my time laid on my mat going ‘yep, I can see how that’s reaaally stretching you out and I’d do it too except I don’t bend that way and maybe I’ll just have a little sleep and we’ll catch up later…’
You know that thing that proper people do where they make a list of all the great things in their life and all the things they’re grateful for in the hope it’ll make them feel a little less shit? Well I’ve done one for running. Something to run through my head when I have a stitch, the sun’s in my eyes and I’ve been running for ten minutes and I’ve not got abs yet.
Here they are:
Keep the music loud
I rarely get the opportunity to listen to my music full blast. Yes, yes it’s bad for my ears and my headphones, but it’s what gets me running
Don’t force it
Not feeling it today? Go for a walk . Turn off your running app and just go for a stroll. Practise breathing (I don’t know what this means but it sounds very profesh when regarding running) and take in the sights
Don’t make it into a competition
I have no plans to run a 5k race, never mind a marathon. My usual running route is just over 5k but I still want to race. I run so I can eat more, not to compete. Also, I don’t get why I’d PAY to run (no thanks, love, someone should pay me. And why enter a race you’re never going to win? Nah, mate.
You can eat more
Like bread and pasta and the good stuff. This is literally what makes me get off my arse and go. I know they say that 80% of your abs are made in the kitchen, but in my experience, I can eat so much more if I’m running regularly. Yes, my abs aren’t visible and I haven’t lost an weight, but I don’t gain any either. I’m sure fitness gurus everywhere are lining up to shoot me. Soz (not soz).
I work in a restaurant 45 hours a week and my running route is a path that runs along the main route out of my town. Therefore everyone that comes into work and his dog (literally) have seen me out puffing away. They all tell me they couldn’t do it – they hate running you see. It’s boring. They don’t have time. I smile politely but inside my ego is inflating to a thousand times it’s original size. I’m not proud.
There’s just something about exercise that makes people feel the need to justify why they can’t do it. I mean, I’m just a waitress so I have boatloads of spare time (hur hur hur), whereas they have a massive important job where they’re on their feet all day (waitresses everywhere roll their eyes). Then why bring it up at all? Do people think I’m judging them as I run along, slower than a snail in jam? I couldn’t care less.
It gets weird (other waitresses, do this happen to you?) when customers give me advice on running, or little pep talks to get me going. They get concerned when they haven’t seen me in a while. Have I hurt my knees? People fucking love discussing your knees if you run. I seem to gotten off topic. In a nutshell, if you run, you can humble-brag about it. The end.
Yes, yes, you need a sports bra and some shoes so it’s not free, free, but there are very few activities you can do without some sort of attire (insert some sort of dirty pun here). I got my trainers here for £45 – old season Nike free runs – I’ll link them if they’re still available. My sports bra came from the Nike outlet shop in York, but I also have a £12 one from Sainsbury’s which is ok (disclaimer: I wear my Sainsbury’s one with another bra underneath, because things were a little…bouncy.
I can do it
Running’s easy. Even kids can do it. I know people bang on about gait and all that, but if you put one foot in front of the other quickly, that’s enough for now. If you enjoy it, get a gait analysis and all that jazz. I’ve not bothered and my knees are a-okay. I’ll let you know if that changes.
The more you do, the more effect it has
I could potentially be a Victoria’s Secret model if I ate less bread. That’s an inspiring thought. I mean, I’d need to do something about my hair and complexion that makes me the envy of goths everywhere, but it could happen.
You want to walk, you fucking walk. Skip if you like. Roll. See how I care.
It can be fun
Not if it’s rainy/windy/littered with animal carcasses, but on a sunny day with a good playlist (Rachel Platten 5eva) it can be enjoyable. I’m the worst at sticking things out if I don’t like them, but I’ve stuck at this. Th thing about running is that I love to go, love feeling smug afterwards, but whilst I’m actually running, I hate it – If my battery or headphones die, I turn round and go home. But the next day I’m chomping at the bit to get back out there. WEIRD.
I get doing the ‘what am I thankful for’ thing. I may not yet have the lifestyle/career that I want and not quite enough money, the fact I have more than enough money to actually survive is plenty for now. However, most humans are pessimistic by nature – we just love to complain. Having beautiful weather? It’s global warming? Got a promotion at work? Now I’ll have to pay more tax. Lost fifteen stone? Now I’ll have to buy new clothes. It’s just who we are as a species – I don’t wish to point fingers, but here in the UK we the ABSOLUTE WORST at complaining. Just follow @verybritishproblems on Twitter if you don’t believe me.
P.S. I have never had a runner’s high in the 9ish months I’ve been running. Unless I did and I was expecting more. Though the post-run ‘runner’s rush of smugness’ is pretty awesome.