If only life could be kinder when you’re trying to save money. I mean, you’re a goddamn hero! This post is for anyone that’s been living the frugal lifestyle for a while: pitfalls, hacks and things that will make you say ‘same’…
1 – The car will fail its MOT just as you’re getting yourself into a saving routine
WHY??? I wanted that money to be the acorn from which my massive fortune will grow.
2 – Your attempt at saving money by taking advantage of Tesco’s ‘get 6, save 25%’ on wine will merely result in you drinking more.
Twice in two weeks. I’m not even sorry.
3 – You’ll wonder constantly about co-workers that earn the same as you but have a brand new Audi.
They must have bought that car on finance…
4 – Stock up half of your shopping trolley with tinned tomatoes (and wondering which posho buys the ones that aren’t Tesco Value).
Although sometimes I’ll splash out on the 34p ones with the ring pull…
5 – Save that precious £0.003 by sucking water into the Fairy liquid bottle and diluting the last half a millilitre of it.
6 – EAT ALL THE CARBS (they’re cheap…)
Potatoes, pasta and rice for the win. Also veg. Plants, in general, are cheeeeap.
7 – Working out to the centimetre how much further you can go on a tank of premium fuel compared to normal petrol.
It’s a long damn way.
8 – Grimacing at payday loan adverts, and feeling sorry for people that have to resort to being exploited by those crooks.
Don’t do it. Live on rice for a month instead.
9 – Christmas-present buying being a year-long operation.
Buy your wrapping paper in January. If you get something pretty but not holiday specific, it can be for birthday pressies too.
10 – The operators that work for your bill providers know you by name because you’re always asking about new rewards
TBH, you’re saving them a call.
11 – You pick the restaurant based on the voucher, rather than by what you actually want to eat.
SPOILERS: it’s a lot of Pizza Express.
12 – …and feel guilty about it all week.
13 – Every pen you own will be a bank freebie.
Thank you Barclays, for giving me pens even though I don’t bank with you 🙂
14 – You’ll sleep a couple of extra hours to save on breakfast.
Just have a big lunch!
15 – Shower gel is bought on sale. This is non-negotiable.
See also washing powder, cheese, fairy liquid, fabric softener, toothpaste, teabags (probably in a MAHOOSIVE box) and bleach. If you have to pay full price for these, it’s through gritted teeth.
16 – Weighing up the benefits of the savings on Amazon vs. Boots/Superdrug points makes your brain hurt.
Can’t someone just tell me what to do?
17 – The heating goes if (AND ONLY IF) a hoodie + scarf + slippers + fluffy socks + blanket + gloves + hot water bottle doesn’t suffice.
Even then, it’s with considerable reluctance.
18 – You. Will. Not. Spend. Money. On. Parking.
You’re not made of money! Walking’s free!
19 – See also the tumble dryer, heated towel rail and dishwasher.
Hell, you’d live by candlelight if you had it your way.
20 – NOTHING WILL GET BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR FUTURE FORTUNE.
You’ll get there soon enough. YOU GOT THIS.